thoughts...thoughts..thoughts
thoughts...thoughts...thoughts...
5-12-2019
Today’s Topic: Egocentric assumptions. Many months ago I discovered just how myopic I can be at times. Although I can’t really remember exactly when, or how I came to be so profoundly self-aware of this character flaw, I do remember it was surprising to me at the time. Up until this great event, I had always thought myself to be pretty aware of when I was engaging in stereotypical thinking patterns. You know, the times when I’d catch myself thinking of people in my outgroup in generalized, prejudiced ways: “Everyone born in Texas says “y’all” when referring to anyone but themselves.” Now, one could easily argue that my moment of enlightenment was really just another stereotype being broken, but, I think for me, it was more of a reminder that the world does not revolve solely around me - I know, I know, a real shocker, right? So here’s the revealing event, brace yourself…I realized one day that the Vietnamese I meet on the street, in the taxi, or at a street restaurant in Hà Nội do not automatically think that because I’m a “westerner”, that I’m from America! "Oh no!" he exclaimed, "Tell me it isn't so, Joe!" In fact, if they assume anything, surprisingly they think I come from Russia or Germany? I suppose my Vietnamese haircut brings out some of my Germanic-Slavic roots? Every Vietnamese person I meet, who has not been forewarned, will eventually ask me some variation of “Bạn đến từ đất nước nào?” (“What country do you come from?”) Okay, okay…so we aren’t talking a “stop the press moment" here, but, to me it was a pretty enlightening news flash. Not surprisingly, “westerners” who come to Hà Nội, come from every western country in the world…not just the U.S - in fact, I would wager Americans are in the minority here in Hà Nội. Why? well, because I’ve not met any other Americans besides my Fulbright colleagues and the Embassy folks since I’ve been here – and I have to say, I get around town a bit. I’ve met plenty of Australians, Germans, French, Russians, Czech Republicans, Canadians, and a married couple from Spain, but no Americans…AND…they ALL spoke English (to some degree)! Don’t let anyone tell you that Chinese is the next “international language” –IMO, for the foreseeable future, it is, and will remain, English. Even in a country like Việt Nam, where French was spoken by many Vietnamese for many, many years, the French who come to Việt Nam (that I have met), speak English before speaking French, because English, not French, is taught in every school in Việt Nam. Well moving on…in addition to this self-enlightening “ah-hah! moment”, I had another illuminating event happen the other evening. Imagine, if you will, my stunning astonishment when I realized, as I sat at a street restaurant with a Vietnamese friend last week, that not a single one of the 30-plus Vietnamese patrons chatting with their friends, unwinding on a Friday night after work, and eating their phở gà ta even noticed I was the only “westerner” at the place -no one! Phở gà ta is a sort of shredded chicken with noodle and broth phở dish I believe is a traditional northern version of chicken phở, and the specialty of this particular restaurant – they sell nothing else but phở gà ta. This particular experience included the owner/server/waitress speaking to me in Vietnamese (with no attempt to speak Engish, thank-you-very-much) and when I reached my “communication limit” – which only took a few sentences and me giving up in defeat (“Ang không hiểu. Ang nói ít tiếng Việt” [I don’t understand. I speak little Vietnamese]), she smiled and laughed (with me) and quickly turned to my Vietnamese friend who finished the conversation and gave our complete order - well, at least I tried... Westerner or not, I got the bill at the end. After all, in line with Vietnamese culture, my friend was female, and I, as the “older male”, was expected to pay -which I gladly did! That said, however, I had planned to pay anyway, after all, I had invited my friend to supper and the Vietnamese culture dictated that, as the “inviter”, I was obligated/expected to pay. I am really going to miss these moments, 63 days from today, when I must sadly and reluctantly leave this wonderful, amazing, and endearing country they call Việt Nam.